A man who worships her
by public static void
Summary: Misa is back to where she started, and her choices are not the same. Instead of letting Light use her, she'll try to find someone who likes her as she is. Time–Travel. One shot. For Kat.


**For Kat in the Gift Giving Extravaganza 2018.**

* * *

Misa was laying on the bed she shared with Light. Her black panties peeked under the too–big red blouse. Against her pale skin, she looked to be bathed in blood.

"I'm bored," she said to the room. There was too much of Light and too little of her. Books were orderly stacked in shelves and the whole room reeked of cleanliness.

Misa missed the smell of sugar and chocolate, though she had never favoured carbs too much. She sat up and pouted. Her feet touched the carpeted floor and the softness of it reminded her of L's white shirt. It had been flannel, ready to wear to bed and good enough to watch from afar.

Misa wondered if he was watching her from afar. Feeling childish, she looked to the sky through the window and grinned, hoping he would see she still remembered him.

There were clouds that day, just like she liked it. The darkness of the ambient combined with her own cheeriness and it made her feel butterflies in her stomach. Few things made her feel like this lately, with Light gone for hours only to get back and pressure her into sex or sleep, depending on what he wanted. She always gave him what he wanted.

But he had only once given her what she wished and even then it was for his own benefit. She didn't want to be unfair: she had promised to follow Kira forever, but Light was not Kira anymore and the books of death were lost in the world, belonging to other people who used them for their own goals.

At least Light, Kira, had used them for good.

Misa pouted once more and threw herself on the bed. She wouldn't need to be out until tomorrow when she would go to a fashion shoot at Kiyomizu-Dera. In the meantime, she had nothing to do.

She could make a poppet or fix that skirt that had worn out too much. She could add velvet patches or perhaps she'll just put studs all over it and claim it punk.

Neither option really appealed to her and she longed to be free of this gilded cage she had chosen.

She looked up at the sky again and wished to the clouds, to the unseen stars, to the void... To let her be free.

—

She thought herself into a sweet dream and grinned, jumping from the bed that still smelled of patchouli incense. She went to touch all her poppets, all her plushies and the relics of the life before Kira. She was happy and it was fantastic that a dream could be this sweet.

Then she saw the Death Note on her nightstand and she took it.

—

The news told her Kira had just begun his attacks. It was a time when she didn't know Light yet and she hadn't started killing with her own book.

Rem wasn't around.

She wasn't the Second Kira just yet.

Misa put the book down and wondered if perhaps this time she could approach Light as herself.

—

She knew which was his future school and as soon as classes started she went there every day hoping to catch a glimpse of him. Misa wanted to talk to him and tell him to be careful with L and the police. She wanted to tell him how the police would incarcerate both of them for being Kira.

Most of all, she wanted to win his heart. It was something she hadn't been able to do before (and when had that happened? Wasn't this only a sweet dream?) and she was excited at the prospect of being the perfect accomplice this time. She could demonstrate her worth, her value. She could make Light love her.

So she approached him one afternoon. He was sweaty because he had been playing tennis against L. Misa waved a hand to him when his eyes circled the place; he was always the paranoid one. He pointedly ignored her and she pouted.

"Misa Misa!" people began gathering around her after someone pointed at her and she basked in the attention like a cat receiving a scratch after a hunt.

"Hello! Isn't this a fine morning!"

She answered yelled questions, allowed people to photograph her and gave autographs. She let go of Light for a moment to focus on this, on what made her feel really good: interacting with other people even if they held her in a pedestal. She was good with people and Light had never used that for their joint benefit. He used her as a rich businessman would use a trophy and she let him because she was obsessed with him.

Now she realised that Kira and Light could be physically the same person, but they were two different people and Misa's allegiance was owed only to one.

Then, why had she come? Light was trying to get L away from the crowd when she remembered: L was her fan.

She grinned at her fans and shifted around to get to L. Misa stood in front of him and smiled sweetly. He looked like a crazy man and not like the focused detective she knew him to be.

"Hi! I'm Misa!"

He giggled like a schoolgirl.

—

They met for hot chocolate that afternoon and Misa brought the book. She wouldn't confess to L what Light was doing, but she felt reassured that this was happening and was not just a dream. It still felt rather like a dream.

"What is your name?" she asked and was met with an empty stare as L _considered_ her. She had been _considered_ before by him and usually, it ended with her pouting and complaining to Light, but now she grinned and tried to keep away the guilt that was eating her alive. Light was still Kira, and Kira deserved her loyalty.

L was the enemy. L had incarcerated her and Light. L had almost ruined it all.

But L had also seen her as a threat and Misa took it as a compliment because it meant he considered her smart enough to be a threat. Light only wanted her to follow orders and look pretty. She could look pretty enough on her own.

"I can't tell you my name," L answered before very slowly dipping his spoon into the strawberry and chocolate ice cream. Also very slowly, he takes a spoonful and _savours_ it as if no other dessert was as sweet. "You could be Kira."

Misa laughed and it as her fake, musical laugh, the one she used in interviews and TV shows when she wanted to look more innocent than she was. _A model's trick that won't work in the real world_ , Light told her once and she wipes his self–satisfied smirk from her mind.

"There is no way for you to know I'm not," Misa told him, playfully waving her kiwi and strawberry ice candy before licking it. L's eyes followed the motion. "But you can also tell me a fake name. That way I won't have to call you _sweet stranger_."

"You don't treat me like you would a stranger," L affirmed before taking another spoonful of ice cream. "There is no way we have met before without me remembering it, and I am trying to figure out why do you treat me with can only be described as familiarity."

Misa pouted. "I treat you kindly, _sweet stranger_."

"Kind people greet you when you pass by. They don't invite you for ice cream."

"Kind people don't doubt others."

They stared at each other, each enjoying their own dessert in silence until L smiled that sweet smile that had Light muttering curses and calling him a _trickster_. Once, Misa thought Light _liked_ L before he had Rem kill him.

Misa pouted again and she promised to herself she wouldn't let Light kill L. Kira would try to purge the world and all the while Misa would protect L from him.

"You are intriguing, Misa Amane." L said.

He had finished his ice cream and was now biting his nails. He shifted his weight from one leg to the other, as if to find balance. She wondered how he could sit like that for most of the day and still be athletic.

 _And all the sugar_ , she thought. _I couldn't deal with burning these many carbs!_

L was someone special, and though he was against Kira she could form a friendship with him. He was sweet, and it had been too long since someone was sweet to her without wanting anything in return.

For the first time, she stopped doubting this was a dream and begged the gods to let her stay just where she was.

 _Would you help me to find a new way? Would you guide me through all this again?_ , she asked, though she didn't know if she asked herself, the gods or L. But she would stay with him either way because he was sweet and looked at her with interest. She'd rather have his interest than Light's indifference.

 _Seems I'm here to stay_ , she said and took a bite of her ice candy.


End file.
